BS' in the Kitchen

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The Adventures with Herman (How to Cook a Lobster)

November 14th, 2010 · 3 Comments · Healthy, Seafood

On another recent adventure with the Loveable Douchebag (don’t worry, he’s approved this name) we decided to venture into the world of lobster for numerous reasons (i.e. I have been scared to make lobster since my last memory is my mom bringing some home from Halifax and hearing them scream to their death as they are lower into a death boil, lobsters tend to be expensive, the LD eats lots of lobster but has never cooked one), so it was off to the world of lobsters!!

The LD and I both agreed that picking out and catching the lobster at the local grocery store was half the fun! After the LD spent a few solid minutes trying to chase someone down in the store, he had finally found someone brave enough to face the lobster tank. Now, the fancy Lobster Grabbing Sticks weren’t working, which resulted in a game of giant chop sticks to catch out chosen lobster (a rather large feisty looking one). After the store employee and LD managed to get our lobster, Herman (yes we – we meaning I – named him), into his carry-home box, the store employee couldn’t figure out how to work the scale. As soon as the words came out of his mouth, “It’s FREE” the LD and I were already squealing in excitement. Herman’s death plot was off to a successful start.

Okay, too much blabbing here. Let’s get to the steps of how to cook a Herman (aka. Lobster):

  1. Bring out your BIGGEST pot and fill it up with water. Sprinkle a large amount (1-2 tbsp) of course sea salt.
  2. Bring the water to a rolling boil (as hot as you can get it – Herman needs to go quickly).
  3. Get queazy feeling in your stomach when your hear Herman clicking (a form of lobster talk) his final words.
  4. Once the water is ready to go, quickly drop Herman into the water. Now be careful here because he may try to escape out of the pot, so be sure to have the lid close by.
  5. Once Herman is fully submerged in water, cover and bring to a light boil for 10-11 minutes. Realize your boyfriend is infinitely cooler than you. Hang your head in shame.
  6. After the 10-11 minutes has passed, remove a now dead Herman from his death bath. Dry and place onto a cutting board.
  7. Now this is where you need to use your LD (I can also rent out my LD for a small fee) to cut up your lobster. Cut the tail through the middle up to the body using a good pair of kitchen scissors. Then cut the body in half using a strong knife. If you need a more visual representation, Martha Stewart has a great video for cutting up a lobster.

After we got all the lobster meat out of the tail and claws, we dipped it in this delicious butter (which was melted in a small pot until all ingredients blended):

  • 1/2 cup salted butter
  • 1 tsbp chives
  • 1 tbsp parsley
  • 1 tbsp garlic powder

I suggest you take your LD out, pick up a lobster, give it a name and have a nice entertaining evening together.


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3 Comments so far ↓

  • Enjoyed the Laugh!

    Very entertaining to read the adventures of Herman (as I’m sure it was to make)!

  • Loveable Douchebag

    As per cooking instruction point #5 I really feel like you’re being too hard on yourself. There’s no need to feel shame over something so unreachable.

    Take care,


  • Shannon H

    So herman was free? You should have bought 2!

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